Monday, July 2, 2007

Doctor Gets Car Blown Up For Monkey Business

LOS ANGELES (Wireless Flash - FlashNews) – Conducting tests like Dr. Frankenstein might get your BMW blown up, especially if you mess with monkeys.

Wild animal activists showed University of California Los Angeles researcher Arthur Rosenbaum who’s king of the jungle last Sunday (June 24), by fire-bombing his car after he refused to cease his experimental eye exams on primates.

North American Animal Liberation Press Officer Dr. Jerry Vlasak believes there was monkey business going on, but it’s due to Rosenbaum’s apelike attitude.

Vlasak says, “He’s injecting Botox into their eyes to make the monkeys cross-eyed, and then gluing metal coils to the sclerae in order to track eye movements.”

Though the research is aimed at curing cross-eyed kids, Vlasak says he doesn’t see the mad scientist’s point.

As Vlasak puts it, “I’m calling an end to this research because the vast majority of animal research is wasted, and there are more well-proven methods out there.”

Looks like Dr. Rosenbaum may need to have a chat with Dr. Dolittle – or just ask for a ride home.

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