Thursday, December 11, 2008


Santa Is A Lady-Loving Alcoholic

LAGRANGE, N.Y. (Wireless Flash - FlashNews) – Sorry kids, Santa Claus is nothing but a drunken womanizer.

According to New York-based bartender Brian McGrath, Santa has all the symptoms of a classic booze binger.

McGrath says “letting yourself go” is the No. 1 sign of someone who’s suffering from alcoholism.

He believes this explains why jolly ol’ St. Nick never shaves and is always in the same outfit, Christmas after Christmas.

Although legend has it that Santa’s belly is “a bowl full of jelly,” McGrath laments that his pudge is really “just a beer gut.”

Santa’s jingling ride also indicates that he’s a boozehound.

McGrath thinks the only reason Santa flies a sleigh is to avoid getting a DUI on the road.

However, McGrath’s main concern is St. Nick’s womanizing ways.

He warns women not to mistake Santa’s “ho ho ho” chant for jolliness, as it’s really just his way of shouting drunken catcalls at them.

(Contact numbers available only to subscribing media or trial media users. You can request samples at the Wireless Flash web site.)
Copyright © 2008 Wireless Flash News Inc. All rights reserved. Wireless Flash® and FlashNews® are registered trademarks of Wireless Flash News Inc.