Monday, December 8, 2008

Virgins Finally Losen Up

PHILADELPHIA (Wireless Flash - FlashNews) – Frustrated virgins don’t want another “Silent Night” this Christmas, and one gift guarantees to get them laid.

The Lose Your Virginity Sex Kit promises to pop cherries and banish blue balls.

Items in the kit include a book on how to lose your virginity, sexual position flashcards, and “Heroes of Intercourse” trading cards.

The cards feature sexual masters like William Shatner, JFK, and a rare Dr. Ruth collectible.

It goes for $14.95 a pop, a small price to pay according to kit creator Dr. Eric Ryland Horner.

He boasts, “You’ll lose your virginity by the time you finish the book!”

Dr. Horner hopes lonely virgins embrace the kit so they can “stop masturbating and start living,” though he says some famous virgins have done quite well for themselves like Orville Redenbacher and Winnie the Pooh.

He suggests preventing first-time bedroom blunders by avoiding slippery satin sheets and adds, “You’ve also gotta grease the wheels of love, so don’t forget the foreplay.”

(Contact numbers available only to subscribing media or trial media users. You can request samples at the Wireless Flash web site.)
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