Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Torture Terrorists With Wedgies And Dutch Ovens, Not Electric Shocks

SAN FRANCISCO (Wireless Flash - FlashNews) – The most effective forms of torture may be found on a school playground, not an Iraqi prison camp.

At least that’s the impression left by a new book, Atomic Wedgies, Wet Willies And Other Acts Of Roguery (Santa Monica Press) that provides scientific methods for the most effective ways to tease, torture and harass people.

For instance, when pulling a wedgie, grab the lower part of the underpants, not the waist. This will prevent the undies from ripping before reaching “maximum lift.”

Also, when head butting someone, pretending to sneeze first will increase the element of surprise. In addition, noogies are best applied when the victim is tying shoes.

Co-author Greg Tananbaum admits the pranks in his book are brutal, which is why he offers counter-measures to prevent them, such as wearing long sleeved shirts to prevent Indian rope burns.

(Contact numbers available only to subscribing media or trial media users. You can request samples at the Wireless Flash web site.)
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