According to Meme Roth, president of National Action Against Obesity, Santa is probably a lousy lover because he’s so fat.
Roth says St. Nick’s “belly full of jelly” could lead to health troubles, including high estrogen levels, man boobs, and a low libido.
Since Santa is “swimming in estrogen” he’s prone to hot flashes and also lacks energy, which sucks for Mrs. Claus.
Says Roth: “I’d say she’s getting the shaft, but that’s probably not the case.”
Kris Kringle’s performance issues don’t stop at the bedroom.
Roth believes there’s no way Santa has enough stamina to keep delivering toys to children around the world.
If he remains morbidly obese, he’ll become chronically ill or die.
Roth says kids can help St. Nick battle the bulge by leaving healthier snacks out on Christmas Eve (Dec. 24), like water instead of milk and veggies and chicken instead of cookies.
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