That’s the plight of UFO Phil, a man who claims he’s been abducted by aliens thousands of times since 1972.
When he was a baby, extraterrestrials implanted a chip in Phil’s head that gave him musical abilities to pen songs like “Martian Hunting Season” and “Dear George Lucas.”
However, since aliens directly control Phil’s musical talents, he can’t sing about anything other than their spacey messages.
Despite not being able to evolve as an artist, Phil is glad to have an in with “good” aliens, who’ll save him when “bad” aliens invade Earth.
Since he’s abducted “several times a week,” Phil has made friends with “good” aliens who cut him open and run tests on his body.
Though the procedures are painful, “good” aliens always have scones and coffee waiting for Phil in the operating room, unlike “bad” aliens who have their way with him but don’t provide snacks.
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