According to MeMe Roth, President of National Action Against Obesity, Santa Claus is a lousy lover because hes morbidly obese.
Roth says St. Nick has high estrogen levels from being so overweight, which is giving him a low libido and man boobs.
Along with an unjolly love life, Santa is also at risk for diabetes and may not be able to deliver toys to kiddies much longer.
Roth laments, Traveling to every child is a huge undertaking and he must be in top physical condition.
She suggests Father Christmas improve his health by eating foods rich in antioxidants and asking his elves to hook him up with active toys like jump ropes and hula hoops.
Also, if Mrs. Claus wants Santa to have more stamina in the sack, Roth urges her to release a global notice asking kids to, Help keep Santa strong by leaving him a plate of carrots, not cookies.
(Contact numbers available only to subscribing media or trial media users. You can request samples at the Wireless Flash web site.)
Copyright © 2008 Wireless Flash News Inc. All rights reserved. Wireless Flash® and FlashNews® are registered trademarks of Wireless Flash News Inc.